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Beginning where it Began - kirlian [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
kirlian

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Beginning where it Began [Mar. 23rd, 2006|07:11 pm]
kirlian
Several weeks ago I turned 25. Seven days prior to my birthday is where I shall begin. I hopped my nervous, but very excited self on a plane and headed out of this horrible state I'm in (literally and figuratively). I headed South to Beautiful, COLD, Georgia. My luggage and I departed the plane and into one of the largest, most overwhelming airports in the nation. Luckily I had two very pretty ladies there to welcome me with open arms! Atlanta is quite marvelous. I must say when I arranged this trip to see my friend Sarah, I had never pointed to Georgia (or Atlanta) on the map and said, "There! That's where I want to go." I can happily say now that Atlanta does wonders for this country. The city is a real city by all means: it's not overly lavish, dirty like Pittsburgh (yes, I said it), or smug with an attitude that its trying to be something else. It's cake!

When I returned home life just sorta hit me, and it hit hard. I thought about the great time I had with Sarah and her awesome roomies (plus the other couch buddy), the peacock tattooed on my boob, and these heavenly "flying biscuits", which is a must try before you die! I also thought about how my life is back to where it was before. Nothing changed. Call it if you must the quarter-life crisis b.s., but it's that horrible mile stone that just sits there on the ground. It's still grey, heavy and full of absolutely no information. I realize my whining is what most everyone in my age range goes through. I'm no special case or victim to this horrible drop off after your smooth ride through high school. High school really wasn't so bad, if only I could have told myself that then. Life was actually easy. You had someone telling you what to do, and you did it the best you could while hanging out with your friends. Damn! Now I've got to actually make something of myself with no idea who I want to be. I want that someone telling me what to do again.

I knew before Atlanta that I had to move away from this place. It was great growing up here, but now it's time to move on. I just wish it were as simple as packing up my car and driving away. As for the job security, I'm set. As for the starting up funds, I'm set. So what's holding me back? Well, I fell in love. But, honestly, I can't say that's a "hold back". It's beyond that. It's knowing that I've found that other side of me, that I'm willing to wait and work for even if it means blood, sweat and tears. At times I feel that my other side is on the same level as I, at least 90%. But, as discussed, there is that other 10% holding them back. That dream that involves making it as number 1, with maybe a number 2 coming years down the road. I know love can't be marked on your time line when it is most convenient for you; but when it's real and as true as true love can get, I say run wild with it! If life crashes and burns, then you know that it wasn't meant to be. You will get back up and do it all over again. They do the same thing in football, so sports men, you should know what I mean! Through all of my uncertainties, I know one thing for sure, and that's you take risks when you can. Many say you shouldn't put your life on hold, and for the most part I agree. I have looked in to the places I want to go, and I know at some point I may make that really hard decision and just go. I'm at that point in my life where I know in the means of love what exactly I want. Where I'm unlucky in love is that I'm the only one there. I don't want to push or hold back love from fulfilling their dreams; that would create regret and that risk taking would turn into heartache. So, my dilemma is this: how far do I go? When do I say, okay, let's make this work 1000 miles apart so I can get away and be happy, or do I wait with the chance of something more and that seeming pushy (and possibly another year of my life gone)?

Help.
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